We all get old the "don't worry about what they say" or "act like you don't care". We try to do this; but you are right......it doesn't matter what you say or how you act, it hurts, clear to the bone. I've heard it all! Your parents tell you, your spouse, your good friends, etc, but they've not been there, so easier said than done. You can act like it doesn't matter all you want, but the person/persons that delivered the remarks know it hurt you or bothers you (otherwise they wouldn't do it). They are practiced at it. They are predators. I don't think it matters how thick you armor is, there's always a way inside.
So, after being here for almost a half a century, I've chosen to avoid "social scenes", where I'm pretty sure the "predators" are going to be (unless it's a "have to" situation). I'm not interested in having to defend myself to a bunch of ignorant people that get their high from being cruel to those of us who don't fit in to their mold. Am I letting "them" win, maybe. But, I'd rather think of it as having a choice. I don't keep going back to a place that serves bad food because I hope the food will get better, I just go to place that has good food all the time.
So, after being here for almost a half a century, I've chosen to avoid "social scenes", where I'm pretty sure the "predators" are going to be (unless it's a "have to" situation). I'm not interested in having to defend myself to a bunch of ignorant people that get their high from being cruel to those of us who don't fit in to their mold. Am I letting "them" win, maybe. But, I'd rather think of it as having a choice. I don't keep going back to a place that serves bad food because I hope the food will get better, I just go to place that has good food all the time.
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New Mexico
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Re: Hurt
Thu, March 17, 2005 - 8:34 AMYou are so right. People should learn the difference between sympathy and empathy. Sympathy is how you feel sorry for someone and then shove the advice in their face. But Empathy is putting yourself in the other's shoes and saying "I know exactly how you feel because I've felt it too."
I feel if you someone is really hurt emotionaly you shouldn't be sorry for how they are feeling. The least I want when I'm feeling bad is advice on how I should feel better. I'd rather someone relate to how I am feeling more than anything. And if you are trying to help someone with advice at least back it up with a little empathy to imply everyone goes through the same pain.
Jenna :)
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Re: Hurt
Fri, March 18, 2005 - 7:29 PMGood comparison between empathy and sympathy. I've had sympathy crammed in my face forever and have hardly ever seen any empathy. I hate for people to pity me or feel sorry for me. That really makes me angry. I've just always wanted for people to see past my outside. Sometimes they'll even say "I know how you feel". How could they? Or sometimes they ask me why I walk like I do and want to know every, single, little detail. It's funny, I can lie to them and say I had an accident and they're satisfied, but when I tell them the truth they get all weird. I've never understood it.
The way I look at it is....it happened, nothing is going to change it, so lets just get on with life. I've never figured out if they're that dumb or they know how uncomfortable it makes me. All I know is that even if I wasn't handicapped, I certainly wouldn't ask someone about it. -
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Re: Hurt
Sat, March 19, 2005 - 7:32 AMOften times when I see people lacking empathy I get frustrated and mad. The world is a selfish place. I am too but I care a lot about others and especially you Lisa.
I should tell you this story.It was a blog that I had written awhile ago on Myspace.
"I work with children at the YMCA and since it is break for all the little ones the school I work at was transfered to a different school for 2 weeks. I met a child there by the name of Austin. The story with him is he was in a car accident as a baby and has some brain damage. The hard part for me is that his mother did not survive. The best part is Austin is the sweetest child in the world. I have never met a child so sincere and happy.
One of the other children I am very attached to, Evan, is very kind to him and Austin seems to love Evan so much. Evan plays with Austin and makes him laugh all the time and it is such a beautiful sight to see these children interact. I think it is so amazing how Evan has accepted Austin the way he is. It almost brings me to tears.
I've been with Austin for two days now, and I love him so much already. He loves to hold my hand and likes to play pirates and spiderman. Today when we visited the park a little girl had a star pillow with her. I asked her if I could see and she refused to let me. I gave my saddest face to her but she ran away. Austin did the sweetest thing for me. He said " Don't worry" and gave me a hug. He then ran away and came back with a leaf in his hand saying "Here is your star Miss Jenna " This was so sweet I wanted to cry.
I will miss Austin when I go back to my own school but I am so glad I have had this opportunity to meet him. Austin really has helped me to appreciate life through his happiness."
When the kids from my school went over to the other school they also were weird about Austin like people are weird with you. Evan the kid I am attached to was weird about how Austin was too but I think when he saw that I appreciated Austin the way he was he warmed up to him.
It's easy for me to like people who are different from the norm because they seem to know how to appreciate life, instead of taking it for granted like so many people who do who have no physical flaws.
Jenna :)
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Re: Hurt
Sun, March 20, 2005 - 5:33 AMThat's a great story and you are a very special person, Jenna. Even though you probably don't see it right now, you are touching many lives in a very positive and special way.
I wish I would have known someone like you when I was young and going through the rough stuff that I went through. This was the late 60's and early 70's and back then they did what they could to heal the body, but not the mind. There wasn't anything available, back then, for handicapped people that would help heal their mind or soul. My parents have always felt guilty when they found out how really damged I was and how many years it's taken to overcome a lot of it. But I've never blamed them, they did they very best they knew how to do, at the time. The most important thing they did for me was not to ever let me be a quitter, to never give up. Thus, I learned to walk again when all the doctors only gave me about a 5% chance to do so. -
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Re: Hurt
Sun, March 20, 2005 - 8:46 AMI like your attitude lisa :) very positive
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Re: Hurt
Fri, March 18, 2005 - 4:33 AMI guess it's a matter of perspective. I am also an avoider. I don't do social anymore. Does that mean "they" win? I don't think so, it just means that my world is a little quieter. -
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Re: Hurt
Fri, March 18, 2005 - 8:52 AMThey think they win but we know that they haven't :) -
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Unsu...
Re: Hurt
Fri, March 18, 2005 - 12:34 PMI think on a national level, parties have become really, really lame. I don't want to get apocalyptic here ( probably another tribe ), but since the illuminati doom-thrust of 9/11 2001, it feels like when I go out, everybody's 'faking' the good times. I've noticed this in a few different cities in the U.S. Like everybody's imitating a deodorant/beer commercial but nobody's believing it
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